Earlier I used to take my self to art exhibitions but walking with crutches looking more disabled than before and it does something to my self-esteem. It’s a stress factor knowing people look nervously at me when I walk. It makes me feel in the way rather than one who can be rewarding for others. No idea how to get rid of that perception others have and even me within myself.
Earlier I could go for a walk, now I can’t, because I walk too slow, and my legs get tired after a few yards. I can cycle but I am afraid of falling because that happened in England. I can’t cycle now because the battery is not charging.
Earlier I was good in dancing. My feet would follow the music as easy as anything. Now I still can dance but without moving my feet. I want to dance with my boyfriend all night like earlier. I can still dance.
Earlier friends would ask me for a walk or a trip to the shopping centre. Earlier I would walk around a shopping centre and enjoy looking at clothes and enjoy something at the cafe. Now I can still walk around a shopping centre but if I buy something it’s difficult to carry things with crutches. Now I have to ask someone to go with me. I don’t go on my own because the crutches will slide on the tiles that often are smooth to make cleaning easy but it’s dangerous for us who need crutches to be able to walk.
Earlier my friends would make plans including me without thinking twice. Now they see my limitations and they don’t include me.
Earlier I used to ask myself why other disabled moaned over life. Now I am the moaner and struggling to find a new way to live a rewarding life.