I’m Gandalf the Purple. You can call me Toby if you want.

I’m new to My Disability Matters.

I’m a young man, 22 years old, I’ll be 23 in October, living in Lingfield, Surrey, UK, studying Illustration at Arts University Bournemouth.

My interest includes High Fantasy (As you may have guessed), Ancient and Medieval History and Mythology, Star Wars, Doctor Who and various others. I almost never swear, I don’t smoke, drink alcohol or even coffee (I have a sweet tooth though but I’m careful) I write fanfic from time to time, I find it quite therapeutic. I’ve got a Deviantart Account (HisPurpleness), and a Fimfiction Account (Purple Patch)

And I have Aspergers.

It’s been a big impact on my life and there are very few times I remember it was beneficial. I look upon my childhood with disdain. I always used to think the people who picked on me and made fun of me were responsible for me never fitting in and never finding a whole lot of happiness in the company of others.

But looking back, I feel like I was the blame for the whole sorry affair.

I never helped myself. I constantly did and said things that would have confused and annoyed others. I think a part of me wanted to be picked on because a part of me needed to feel like the victim so that my idiotic antics would be forgotten and the retribution I received would be disproportionate to the cause of it.

Whenever I look back on my childhood and remember the stupid things I used to say and did, I press my fists against my temples and curse at the part of me that never listened to reason.

And there are still times when that part of me latches on and ruins a first impression or a polite conversation with something unrelated and illogical.

I don’t think anyone I know personally finds me difficult to live with.

But where are when you find yourself difficult to live with? What happens when you need permission, a go-ahead, a hand on your shoulder and a watchful eye on you for you to feel safe enough to make a difference in the world, to seek employment or join a society or anything.

I am a lot more independent than most sufferers of Aspergers, so I’ve been told.

But where are you and what do you do…when you feel like you shouldn’t be?

 

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About the author - a member of the My Disability Matters Community: Gandalf the Purple

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