My Disability Matters Club

Depression is the Cage with no Key

“That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.”

I’m living in a fog. I don’t know exactly when it descended. Or rather crept into my life. I’ve been ill. Starting with migraines with aura and no pain just numbness that I mistook for a stroke and went in for an MRI. Then the pain came and dizziness and nausea. Lasting a month at least. Then some odd blood tests. Low sodium and cortisol. Sodium checked out to be okay. I saw the specialist yesterday. More tests to take regarding the cortisol. Lack of nighttime sleep. Sleeping until 1pm in the day. A human vegetable. Weakness personified. Now my mood has tanked. I’m seeing my psychiatrist on Friday, thank Heaven. Maybe I need a medication adjustment. An easy fix. That would be nice. Maybe there’s really something wrong with me. Blood tests Friday will tell. I can stop worrying about it one way or another. Shrug it off. Work at getting better. Fight my way out of the mental straight jacket this depression finds me in.

The stress of illness and exhaustion can precipitate depression, especially when you have bipolar disorder and are prone to mood swing. I know that. At some point, you must get help. The sooner the better. Well the morning, in a few hours, is Thursday. The doctor is Friday. I’m almost there. Thanks for listening friends. Please pray for wisdom for my doctor and good results on my last tests. And that my fight kicks in to battle my way out of this fog and fashion a key for this cage! Set myself free!

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